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How to Gain 20 Pounds in Two Hours
I have developed a bad habit of picking up magazines that promise to show how to lose 10 pound in 7 days. I get the magazine home and open to a picture of Fruitcake, Apple Butter and Rockie Road Brownies. I turn the page to a big picture of Chocolate Hazelnut Muffins. The next page has a picture of Cinnamon Brioche with a recipe. At the bottom of the page is a picture of a Ricotta and Ham Quiche. I get fat just looking at the pictures. I need to find the article on how to lose 10 pounds in 7 days before my resistance breaks down and I make Rockie Road Brownies. I turn the page to find a picture of a Red Velvet Bliss. I am gaining weight just looking at it. And it is so easy to make. Just take two Red Velvet cake mixes and follow directions on box. Then make some cream cheese icing. Put cranberries around the outside of each cake. Now stack them into a beautiful master piece. I am getting weaker by the moment as I turn the page hoping to find out how to lose 10 pounds in 7 days. I have already gained 5 pounds looking at the pictures showing me how to make amazing foods. I almost lose my breath as I look at the next picture of Chocolate Glazed Marble Bundt Cake, Apple and Honey Bread and Garlic and Red Wine Braised Brisket. 
I have found the answer to why so many people are overweight. It is the magazines fault. It’s like the snake that crawled up the forbidden apple tree to tempt Eve. The magazine promised I would lose 10 pound in 7 days. There are four pages of pictures showing the most amazing cookies I have ever seen; Almond Snowball Cookies, Lemon Cookie, Cranberry Nut Cookies and Raspberry Cookies. I don’t how I am going to get through this. I am a very visual person. I fear my mind will obsess on these wonderful deserts.
I know myself. Soon I will make up excuses as to why I have to make these recipes.
Satan doesn’t give up when he tempts you. The following page had a picture of Fudgy Peppermint Bark Brownies and Cranberry Biscuits. I have gained 20 pounds just looking at this magazine and I still can’t find the place where it tells me how to lose 10 pounds in 7 days. I give up. I don’t even care anymore if I lose 10 pounds. I just want to make those Fudgy Peppermint Bark Brownies. Maybe I could take some of them to church to share with my Sunday School class. That should ease some of the guilt. The front of the magazine should say, “How to Gain 20 Pounds in 2 Hours.”
A Thanksgiving Remembered
A Thanksgiving RememberedThanksgiving of 1961 was a time the five Partney children would never forget. My
dad a Kansas City fireman was trained to rescue people. When a turkey fell from a truck
and was wobbling along the road with an injured leg, dad put him in the back of the station
wagon and brought him home. We were all thrilled to have a new pet. We played baseball
in our backyard and Gobble loved to run the bases with us. Our dog Sky, a Scott Terrior
darted from one base to the next with Gobble wobbling behind him.
Sky and Gobble also enjoyed playing in the fall leaves with us. We piled the leaves
as high as we could and jumped in them. Sky ran around the piled leaves barking with
excitement as Gobble limped along behind him.
Thanksgiving Day came with the smell of pumpkin pie and turkey. We waited until
two in afternoon for the turkey to get done and were all starving. Seven of us sat around
the table ready to eat as dad said the blessing. I noticed the turkey’s leg had a big, dark
spot on it. It appeared to be the same place that Gobble had been hurt. “Is that Gobble?”
I asked as dad began carving the turkey.
My sister Susie jumped up and ran out in the back yard. I followed. Gobble was
gone. We came back in and sat at the table saying we were not hungry. My nine year old
brother Robert said, “We all have to understand. Mom and dad are poor so they had to
cook Gobble so we could have Thanksgiving dinner.”
Susie and I began to cry. My six year old brother Rick couldn’t eat. My mother
spoke to my father saying, “Bob, this was not a good idea.”
A few weeks later my parents gave Sky to another family because of allergies. After
the Christmas holidays Rick got so depressed his teacher sent him to the school counselor’s
office. “How many are in your family?” she asked.
With sad big brown eyes Rick sat for a minute thinking. “We used to have 9
counting my parents, but now we only have seven,” he answered.
“What happened to the other two,” asked the counselor.
“We ate one and gave the other one away,” he said.
Weighing In
A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basic questions.
“How much do you weigh?” She asks.
“125,” she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 180.
The nurse asks, “Your height?”
“5 foot 8,” she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5′ 3”.
She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.
“Of course it’s high!” she screams, “When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”
Rules are Rules
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed
and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to
leave the hospital. After a chat about Rules are Rules,
he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”
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