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I have developed a bad habit of picking up magazines that promise to show how to lose 10 pound in 7 days. I get the magazine home and open to a picture of Fruitcake, Apple Butter and Rockie Road Brownies. I turn the page to a big picture of Chocolate Hazelnut Muffins. The next page has a picture of Cinnamon Brioche with a recipe. At the bottom of the page is a picture of a Ricotta and Ham Quiche. I get fat just looking at the pictures. I need to find the article on how to lose 10 pounds in 7 days before my resistance breaks down and I make Rockie Road Brownies. I turn the page to find a picture of a Red Velvet Bliss. I am gaining weight just looking at it. And it is so easy to make. Just take two Red Velvet cake mixes and follow directions on box. Then make some cream cheese icing. Put cranberries around the outside of each cake. Now stack them into a beautiful master piece. I am getting weaker by the moment as I turn the page hoping to find out how to lose 10 pounds in 7 days. I have already gained 5 pounds looking at the pictures showing me how to make amazing foods. I almost lose my breath as I look at the next picture of Chocolate Glazed Marble Bundt Cake, Apple and Honey Bread and Garlic and Red Wine Braised Brisket.
I have found the answer to why so many people are overweight. It is the magazines fault. It’s like the snake that crawled up the forbidden apple tree to tempt Eve. The magazine promised I would lose 10 pound in 7 days. There are four pages of pictures showing the most amazing cookies I have ever seen; Almond Snowball Cookies, Lemon Cookie, Cranberry Nut Cookies and Raspberry Cookies. I don’t how I am going to get through this. I am a very visual person. I fear my mind will obsess on these wonderful deserts.
I know myself. Soon I will make up excuses as to why I have to make these recipes.
Satan doesn’t give up when he tempts you. The following page had a picture of Fudgy Peppermint Bark Brownies and Cranberry Biscuits. I have gained 20 pounds just looking at this magazine and I still can’t find the place where it tells me how to lose 10 pounds in 7 days. I give up. I don’t even care anymore if I lose 10 pounds. I just want to make those Fudgy Peppermint Bark Brownies. Maybe I could take some of them to church to share with my Sunday School class. That should ease some of the guilt. The front of the magazine should say, “How to Gain 20 Pounds in 2 Hours.”
The nurse starts with certain basic questions.
“How much do you weigh?” She asks.
“125,” she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 180.
The nurse asks, “Your height?”
“5 foot 8,” she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5′ 3”.
She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.
“Of course it’s high!” she screams, “When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed
and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to
leave the hospital. After a chat about Rules are Rules,
he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”